My Current Struggle With Self-Kindness


One of the things I’ve caught myself doing recently is putting myself down, including when receiving a compliment. I meet “you look so great” with something like “I hide the baby weight well” or “ughhh I feel gross” or “I don’t, but thanks” and this is something I’m working on changing. I want to re-route the negative thoughts to turn them into positive ones, especially with my postpartum body struggle.

Every time I start to think or say something damaging, my goal is to turn that feeling into one of gratitude. So for example, when my tush doesn’t fit into an old pair of pants, instead of melting down I thank my hips for expanding to help bring Leo into this world. Or every time I look in the mirror and see dark under eye circles, I’m embracing them as mama war wounds for getting the privilege of being up at night with my child. And from now on, when anyone says something nice, I’m working on hearing them, soaking up the compliment and responding with a “thank you.” Self-kindness isn’t always easy, but I certainly don’t want to beat myself up. It’s no way to live.

Does anyone else relate to this?

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6 comments

  1. I totally relate to this! I think as women, we’re trained not to be too “full of ourselves”, especially in a society that doesn’t always value the feminine. Also I’m a perfectionist, which means I’m always seeing the things that could be better. Sometimes that helps me to push myself, grow, and improve. Other times, it’s just useless self-criticism. I’m glad you’re challenging yourself to more self-kindness. You’re work is so impressive!!! And beautiful pic, btw 🙂

  2. I’ve been dealing with changing this within myself lately. I’ve been so negative with myself when it comes to compliments, delays and not accomplishing things I want to. I had to do a complete mental reset. Now, I start mornings purposefully complimenting myself. The, “you’re beautiful”, “you’re amazing”, “it’s okay” and most importantly “you can do this.” I’ve done this so often consciously over the past few months, that I unconsciously do them now. And let me tell you, I feel so much lighter and happier. I still have to catch myself when the negative slips in, but it’s much more easier to find the balance.

    I hope this helps, Geri! You are amazing and deserving of all the love and praise that comes your way. Whether physical, emotion or internal!

  3. I’ve been struggling with this too, and realized it when my therapist told me that the path to optimal mental health needs a solid foundation of self-kindness to build off of in order to be successful in the long term. I tend to think that I don’t deserve things from a new top to the love of my husband. Or that I don’t deserve to spend my free time relaxing or enjoying a hobby, that I should be productive instead. It’s exhausting! I’ve been thinking of writing a post about this topic too, especially because we live in a society that leads us to compare ourselves to others. I’ve heard of writing all your best qualities down on paper, making sure to focus on ones that don’t serve others, but that reflect your own essence. You are so beautiful, thank you for sharing! <3

  4. Totally. I’ve spent the past six years working to rid myself of some deeply-buried self-loathing. My daughters are your age and have babies, and I’m at the place where I always felt I would be filled with confidence and grace. Will skip the novel I could write about this and simply say that not being kind to oneself is not an age or place we find ourselves in but a bad habit we as mothers can continue to practice even after the baby weight is gone. As always, beautifully written! Congratulations at the birth of Leo and thanks for your thoughts and honesty.

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