Friendship breakups suck. They’re often as painful as a romantic one, and sometimes even more so. When that friendship consists of decades of a bond, family ties, or connections to other people you love, it can be messy – to say the least. While I’ve only experienced a couple friendship breakups that really impacted me, I’m confident that I’ve learned a lot through each. Including this list of questions that I’ve always considered before going through with the breakup (aka cutting that person from my life). If you’re struggling while ending a friendship but aren’t sure it’s the right move, answer these first…

Does this person make me feel good about myself?

In any relationship, this is most important – in my opinion. Yes, we’re all in charge of how we feel and how we deal with our emotions, but there’s no point in surrounding yourself with people who don’t make you feel good. If the person you’re considering breaking up with puts negative thoughts in your head or cuts you down, let them know. If they don’t change their ways, I’d say see ya! Life is too short to hang with people who make you question that you’re a good person.

Do they put in as much effort as I do?

This shouldn’t be a one-off case, but if you notice a trend, it’s something to note. We all get busy and go through stages where we might not be prioritizing friendship. And that’s OK! You’ll know when a true friend is busy vs. a person not ever having time for you. If you’re always the one reaching out, driving to see that person, or asking how they’re doing, that sucks – and it’s not right. This is usually one of the first indicators of a friendship being off balance.

Am I taking something too personal?

It’s important to consider whether you’re taking something, like an argument, personally, or if it’s a bigger deal. Are you thinking about ending this friendship because your friend was being a bitch? Did she say something rude during a hardship in her life? Are your expectations of how a person would act getting in the way of what’s really happening? These are a bunch of questions under this one umbrella, so spend some time thinking.

I know it’s easy to feel bruised when a fight or weird situation happens – been there. But before cutting someone out of your life, sleep on it, and figure out if you might be taking something too personally. Everyone makes mistakes!

Can I be myself around this person?

I once had a group of friends that gossiped like crazy. Though I’m not one to talk bad about others, I would, because it seemed like what you had to do to hangout. I’d always leave feeling guilty and honestly just icky about what I had said about others – just to fit in with this group. I even had one of the girls call me “too politically correct” when I couldn’t come up with something bad to say about someone. It was then that I realized I wasn’t being myself around these people, and that wasn’t cool. Not soon after realizing this, I cut ties. Since then, I’ve taken note whether I’m adapting myself to fit someone’s mold. If I am, I don’t get too close.

Again, breakups suck, but for me, they usually ended in me being happy with the decision. People change, things happen, and just because you once had fun (or a connection) doesn’t mean it needs to be a lasting relationship in your life.

Have you dealt with a friendship breakup? How’d you decide it was time?