Today’s post is written by BIA contributor Chelsea Becker
This article is personal, but after talking to several girlfriends who have been through the same thing, I figured it was time to start talking about it. One of my favorite things about this site is how receptive and understanding the community is – so here it goes… I’m 24 weeks pregnant and it’s been about 20 weeks since I felt like having sex. Eeek! Told ya it was personal.
Since being pregnant and going through a pretty brutal first 18 weeks or so, my sex drive has been at an all time low. Obviously nausea and exhaustion will do that to a girl, but I kept hearing that the urge would come back during the 2nd trimester. So far, that’s definitely not the case.
That type of connection has been limited for me and my husband, but I’ve been making up for it in other thoughtful ways. Pregnant or not, here are ideas for showing love when your sex drive is lagging.
While I’ve been asking for my share of these during my pregnancy, I’ve tried to reciprocate. There’s something incredibly sensual about massage, especially when done right. A little oil, candles, incense burning, and the lights dimmed make it feel sexy and oh so good for whoever is receiving the massage.
Upping their love language
Knowing your partner’s love language is invaluable, in my opinion. And when sex isn’t an option, I like to do what I can to give my partner even more of what he needs. If you’re not sure what your partners is (and what yours is), you can read more about it here and here. I try to do something each day that applies to what my husband connects with.
I dislike being in charge of dinner and cooking it for the most part, but having a home-cooked meal is one of my husband’s favorite things. Not in a 1950’s way – he’s totally fine with making his own meals – but he simply loves food and when I cook. Finding a small act that your partner really appreciates is an easy way to make them feel loved, without any physical touch.
Talking about it
I feel insanely lucky to have a partner who has been more than understanding of all my pregnancy symptoms, including sex, but I also attribute that to me talking him through things. While it’s easy to go internal or force something you’re not feeling it, I’d rather be open. I’ve let my partner know it has nothing to do with him, and have even sent him some articles about the science of hormones during pregnancy (which explain my low drive). Think this has made it easier on him.
Even if you’re not pregnant but aren’t feeling like sex, talk your partner through it! And if it is something they’re doing that’s turning you off or not getting you in the mood, find a sensitive way to bring this up with tactical ideas for changing things up. To me, the worst thing would be to feel in the dark myself or to put my partner in that same position.